Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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