You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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