I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
