My friends, they love my intelligence
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
