Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
