she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
