We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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