he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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