So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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