May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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