I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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