so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
