when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
