Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
