dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sext me about skeletons
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
