I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
