if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
