she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
