Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
