dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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