I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if only i could text you this smell
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
