I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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