is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
