I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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