I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
