God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
