i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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