You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
