I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.