There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever