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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock

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