"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize