Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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