So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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