You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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