Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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