dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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