just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
