All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
