im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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