non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
