On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wish there were birth control emojis
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
