And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
