guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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