I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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