I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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