Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
