dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
