No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize