If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
