i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
wow bdsm is so cute
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
