Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize