Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
