i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
