he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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