My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
