if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
