So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
