I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
