dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.