she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
