i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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