dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
