Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
