need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
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I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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